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Lament
of a Lady "Gone to the Dogs"
There was a time, there
really was,
When I was young and tender,
When "show dog" meant a
Disney star
And "bitch" was not a
gender.
I went to bed at half-past
ten,
I went to church on Sunday,
On Saturday, I baked the
beans
And did the wash on Monday.
But then, I got a certain
pup,
An erstwhile friend said
"Show!"
And, so I did, and so I do.
Oh, what I didn't know!
Once I dressed with flair
and style;
That was the life - don't
knock it!
Now every dress from bed to
ball
Must have a good bait
pocket.
I used to have a certain
air,
I wallowed in perfume.
I used to smell like Nuit
d'Amour,
Now I smell like Mr. Groom!
My furniture was haute
decor,
My pets, a tank of guppies.
Now I've furniture that is
unstuffed
And well-adjusted puppies.
I used to long for furs and
jewels,
And a figure classed as
"super."
But now the thing I long for
most
Is a nice new
pooper-scooper!
I was taught to be
well-groomed
No matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I
do
Is in the handler's tent.
While once I spoke in
pristine prose,
In dulcet tones and frail,
I now am using language
That would turn a sailor
pale.
I adored a man who murmured
verse
Through intimate little
dinners.
But now the words I thrill
to hear
Are just three -
"Best-of-Winners!"
I really love my doggy life;
I wouldn't care to change
it.
But when I get that
Best-in-Show,
I could maybe rearrange it.
And when my days on earth
are done
I'll go without much
nudging;
Just give me three weeks'
closing time,
And let me know who's
judging.
Anonymous
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Still Learning
"How long have you been with
dogs ? " I asked this old
chap at the show
"Forty-odd years and more"
he replied
"Then there's not much that
you wouldn't know"
"I'm still learning" he
said, "I'm still learning"
And it made me ponder a
while
on those who know it all in
three months
and I gave him a ghost of a
smile
You could tell he's have
none of the new-fangled
He was old-fashioned right
down to the core
But I'll bet when judges
gathered together
His name would rank up n the
fore
He would have hunted and
shot over dogs
Before most of us had been
born
He'd sat with his dogs in
the woods
And with them had scented
the dawn
He's bred, shown, paraded
and judged
He knew it all outside from
in
"But I'm still learning" he
said, "I'm still learning"
With his quiet, unobtrusive
small grin
So all we ringside
Johnny-come-latelys
All we experts who own just
one pup
Remember that old guy's
forty years of "still
learning"
And for goodness's sake
learn to shut up!
Why Own A Dog?
Why own a show dog? There's
a danger you know.
You can't own just one, for
the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're
addictive, wherein lies the
danger
While living with lots,
you'll grow poorer and
stranger.
One dog is no trouble, and
two are so funny,
the third one is easy, the
forth one's a honey.
The fifth is delightful, the
sixth one's a breeze.
You find you can live with a
houseful, with ease.
So how 'bout another? Would
you really dare?
They're really quite easy,
but Lord, the hair!
With dogs on the sofa, and
dogs on the bed,
And crates in the kitchen,
it's no bother, you said.
They're really no trouble,
their manners are great.
What's just one more dog and
one more little crate?
The sofa is hairy, the
windows are crusty.
The floor is all footprints,
the furniture's dusty.
The housekeeping suffers,
but what do you care?
Who minds a few nose prints
and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you
can always find room.
And a little more time for
the dust cloth and broom.
There's hardly a limit to
the dogs you can add.
The thought of a cutback,
sure makes you feel sad.
Each one is so special, so
useful, so funny.
The food bill grows larger,
you owe the vet money.
Your folks never visit, few
friends come to stay,
except other dog folks who
live the same way.
Your lawn has now died and
your shrubs are dead too,
Your weekends are busy,
you're off with your crew.
There's dog food and
vitamins, training and shots
and entries and travel, and
motels cost lots.
Is it worth it, you wonder?
Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite comes up
and climbs in your lap.
Her look says you're special
and you know you will
keep all the critters in
spite of the bill.
Some just for showing, and
some just to breed,
and some just for loving,
they all fill a need.
winter is a hassle, but the
dogs love it true,
And they must have their
walks tho' you are numb and
blue.
Late evening is awful, you
scream and you shout
at the dogs on the sofa, who
refuse to go out.
The dogs and the dog shows,
the travel, the thrills
the work and the worry, the
pleasure, the bills.
The whole thing seems worth
it, the dogs are your life.
They're charming and funny
and offset the strife.
Your lifestyle has changed,
things just won't be the
same.
Yes, those dogs are
addictive and so's the dog
game.
Authors
unknown
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